Random Thoughts


How many times have you heard something like "he/she must change!", "why doesn’t he/she change?" and/or "If only he/she would change…"?

It is incredible how humans beings sometimes display a lazy effort to respect others and accept them as they are. It is like they have this need to exert control over others by wanting to mould them to their own image (should we call this "The Creator Complex"?)…

Can you imagine the amount of time and energy spent on trying to change someone? Not to mention the irritation, quarrels, misery and estrangement it brings.
Many times I find myself thinking if it wouldn’t be better to just take people as they are, try to understand why they are like they are, and why they do the irritating things they do. One should go deeper into people’s being and find out the reasons behind their behaviour…and after acquiring enough understanding of their core (i.e. if one still finds it necessary to change them), one should teach them new behavioural ways by setting the example (as opposed to the utterly invasive and repressing methods used by many, that lead nowhere but to plain spiritual & psychological decay).

But I have also thought of another side to the issue: before launching the "change campaign" on others one should ask oneself "Am I willing to change?"
If the answer to this is "Yes" then one is off to a balanced and happy life. One is absolutely prepared to deal and live with human brothers from all over the world; for one grasps the meaning of flexibility, adjustment, adaptability, compromise…mais surtout…respect.
If the answer to this is "No" then, my dear reader, I’m afraid this person is blinded by the silk scarf of vanity, egotism & self-centredness; and takes deep pleasure in torturing others with his lack of respect, lack of emotional & intellectual elasticity and arrogance.

Aaaahhh…thoughts are flowing…here’s another point to consider:
When one has done all he could; when all the opportunities have been given; all solutions have been exhausted and still there isn’t a way for human relations to improve, one has two options:

1- Acknowledge the unsuccessful effort, look at the person and leave her alone – thus accepting once and for all that she won’t change and, yet remain in contact.

2- Walk away, before one condemns oneself to intellectual & emotional discontentment, numbness and self-degradation.

How much is your mental sanity and self-respect worth?



Image: Tasso in the Madhouse by Eugéne Delacroix

Comments

  1. I THOROUGHLY enjoy this complete post, Max!!!

    It reminds me of a situation faced by a friend of mine with her hubby. It's not easy to "change" someone when that person doesn't want to change...ideally in a marriage, BOTH of them must build the bridge, but if one of them doesn't want to, then all the other needs to do is accept it...pray and hope for the best...or pray and hope for some changes in the future if it's truly necessary for the other to change he he he...

    Anyway, I've got a tag for you if you're up to it he he he...

    Travel to 7 Continents Tag

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello Amelia! :D

    "I THOROUGHLY enjoy this complete post, Max!!!" - thank you; I am glad you enjoy it *bowing*!

    "It's not easy to "change" someone when that person doesn't want to change...ideally in a marriage, BOTH of them must build the bridge, but if one of them doesn't want to, then all the other needs to do is accept it...pray and hope for the best...or pray and hope for some changes in the future if it's truly necessary for the other to change he he he..." - I hear you, Girl!

    "Anyway, I've got a tag for you if you're up to it he he he..." - thank you; I will drop by in a minute :D!

    Gorgeous, thank you so much for having shared your thoughts on this issue; I loved reading them, and you got a point!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hello Max…..

    The frazzled art fits well with the article….

    You said:
    How many times have you heard something like "he/she must change!", "why doesn’t he/she change?" and/or "If only he/she would change…"?

    I respond:
    9,789,832.5407 times (aprox)

    You said:
    It is incredible how humans beings sometimes display a lazy effort to respect others and accept them as they are. It is like they have this need to exert control over others by wanting to mould them to their own image (should we call this "The Creator Complex"?)…

    I respond:
    Some would say that anticipating and inspiring the potential in others and ourselves is an admirable quality.

    You said:
    Can you imagine the amount of time and energy spent on trying to change someone? Not to mention the irritation, quarrels, misery and estrangement it brings.

    I respond:
    Properly applied behaviour modification can often change some behaviours but to change character and principles in a real way is a different story…

    You said:
    Many times I find myself thinking if it wouldn’t be better to just take people as they are, try to understand why they are like they are, and why they do the irritating things they do. One should go deeper into people’s being and find out the reasons behind their behaviour…and after acquiring enough understanding of their core (i.e. if one still finds it necessary to change them), one should teach them new behavioural ways by setting the example (as opposed to the utterly invasive and repressing methods used by many, that lead nowhere but to plain spiritual & psychological decay).

    I respond:
    Looking at things from the other person’s perspective is very helpful. Example is an excellent way to teach but it also has limitations. Often the way we communicate in relationship is equally valuable. Understanding, gender, personality, social integration and cultural aspects can aid in assisting in adapting some behaviours. Positive and negative reinforcement are also applicable. All of these are empowered by relationship.

    You said;
    But I have also thought of another side to the issue: before launching the "change campaign" on others one should ask oneself "Am I willing to change?"
    If the answer to this is "Yes" then one is off to a balanced and happy life. One is absolutely prepared to deal and live with human brothers from all over the world; for one grasps the meaning of flexibility, adjustment, adaptability, compromise…mais surtout…respect.

    I respond:
    I am willing to change, indeed I have changed dramatically over the years, however a self help program was not responsible for this. It was the Other transforming me in principles and character the results of which then bleed into the rest of life…

    You said:
    If the answer to this is "No" then, my dear reader, I’m afraid this person is blinded by the silk scarf of vanity, egotism & self-centredness; and takes deep pleasure in torturing others with his lack of respect, lack of emotional & intellectual elasticity and arrogance.
    Aaaahhh…thoughts are flowing…here’s another point to consider:

    I respond:
    I would overarch all of those listed with “pride”…I am speaking here of negative pride…

    You said:
    When one has done all he could; when all the opportunities have been given; all solutions have been exhausted and still there isn’t a way for human relations to improve, one has two options:

    I respond:
    Pray? Oh I see there is a list… LOL

    You said:
    1- Acknowledge the unsuccessful effort, look at the person and leave her alone – thus accepting once and for all that she won’t change and, yet remain in contact.

    I respond:
    Oh I was correct…pray….

    You said:
    2- Walk away, before one condemns oneself to intellectual & emotional discontentment, numbness and self-degradation.

    I respond:
    I would say this depend on the situation. If you are married this alternative is greatly hindered. I then suggest prayer….

    You said:
    How much is your mental sanity and self-respect worth?

    I respond:
    If I had it I may be able to tell you… LOL

    We have a duty to do our best to take care of ourselves and others. If we do not take care of ourselves then we make it more difficult to help others…I suggest prayer….

    I can’t help it your article kept bringing it out in me!!

    Loved it Max, a little different again, and I like the way you seemed to expose us to more of the real you as you used the word “I” more than once…..

    Overall if we are talking about getting married for example thinking we will change our partner we are in for a rude awakening. Yet God is in the “business” of transforming lives through relationship….

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Max,
    (Happy Maxday!)

    Oh we have all said and heard those "change" statements. That's one human aspect that doesn't change. LOL.

    "(should we call this "The Creator Complex?)"

    Ooh, I like this phrase. (Pausing to let it wash over me) Lovely.

    "Can you imagine the amount of time and energy spent on trying to change someone? Not to mention the irritation, quarrels, misery and estrangement it brings."

    I can tell you that from a writer's perspective, this is a grueling process to create a character based on humanistic traits. But to do it in real life (not reel life), is just daunting. We don't have that kind to time or power for such an undertaking. The question is "Why do we want to change them - and is it because we are not happy with ourselves that we project on to the other person?" (Okay it is a two part question.)

    "Many times I find myself thinking if it wouldn’t be better to just take people as they are, try to understand why they are like they are, and why they do the irritating things they do."

    Are you saying that you don't take them at face value, but rather nothing more than a mannequin which you can program to give you the responses and traits that you want? (Devil's advocate.)

    "One should go deeper into people’s being and find out the reasons behind their behaviour…"

    Then we would have to become psychiatrists. No thanks. Hey aren't bloggers psychiatrists in a way (without the pay?) Maybe we should only blog for 50 minutes (the psychiatrist's hour) LOL.


    "...after acquiring enough understanding of their core (i.e. if one still finds it necessary to change them), one should teach them new behavioural ways by setting the example (as opposed to the utterly invasive and repressing methods used by many, that lead nowhere but to plain spiritual & psychological decay)."

    It takes an investment into the the Soul of the other person to deduce such findings. If we are investing that much time into another person, then surely that is the time that we should invest in ourself and our life purpose. I totally agree with the spiritual and psychological decay aspect. (That's bloody brilliant!)

    "One should ask oneself "Am I willing to change?"

    Definitely.

    "If the answer to this is "Yes" then one is off to a balanced and happy life. One is absolutely prepared to deal and live with human brothers from all over the world; for one grasps the meaning of flexibility, adjustment, adaptability, compromise…mais surtout…respect."

    Absolutely!

    "If the answer to this is "No" then, my dear reader, I’m afraid this person is blinded by the silk scarf of vanity, egotism & self-centredness; and takes deep pleasure in torturing others with his lack of respect, lack of emotional & intellectual elasticity and arrogance."

    Max, you don't have readers like that. (Do you?)

    I think people are changing in every moment. We may not be able to see it, but it is happening. The change starts from within and may take several years to take effect.

    "How much is your mental sanity and self-respect worth?"

    If I had to put a value on it, I would say it is definitely worth a bag of raw almonds, and a piña colada smoothie (non alcoholic.) Self-respect is worth as much as we put into it and it can be measured with humility.

    Very provocative piece my darling. Take a bow.

    Sane Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  5. Excellent post max, you speak wisely. I can again only speak to my experiences of being married nearly 30 years.

    I think we would like people to change but mostly we spend our time and efforts on our significant others.

    People, unless total idiots and not worth changing in the first place, know their shortcomings, they know where they have to make changes, and through experience they will change hopefully by watching yours and others example, continually pointing out what you consider to be faults will only frustrate them , maybe make them out of spite do a 180, not good.

    This change may not be noticible to you as it will happen in stages over many years, (unless there is a life changing event, life/death situation, becoming a Christian ect.)

    Looking over my life I didn't at any one time say, wow, she has changed, but looking over the 30 years have noticed remarkable changes, on both our parts. having said that there will be people that are just not meant to be together, and know their faults but one or both of them just don't care enough for their SO to make the effort,at that point like you said, you have 2 options, stay or leave, the time frame for someone coming to this decision varies depending on the personalities and life experiences of the individual people involved, just my opinion.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LOL I love the term "Creator Complex"! Did you coin that phrase? Very creative. :)

    I have to admit that I would like to help people to change, but I learned a long time ago that I can not control other people. One time I was talking to a friend about how I would like my husband to lose some weight. She said, "Well, you shouldn't buy cheese for him to eat!". She thought it was as simple as that. I told her, "He will go buy cheese for himself!".

    As I read this post, I thought about what happens when two strong people butt heads. Both want the other to change, and neither is willing to give in. Since we cannot force each other to change, we have to decide how we will compromise. I think that should be the view we always take when we feel the urge to change other people. We can't change them, so we should find common ground between us and compromise.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Max,
    Have you ever thought of going into therapy.......not as a patient, but as a therapist? You would be amazing. You are able to very quickly post a difficult question and come to a reasonable (or should I say "Brilliant) answer.

    Again....ON THE MONEY!!!

    BTW, I love the phrase "Creator Complex."

    Understand, accept or don't accept and move on......

    ReplyDelete
  8. Max, I love your random thoughts post. This topic is really interesting, and much can be said about change. Did you ever hear this one, when couple get married, they say that women wish men changed, and men wish that women did not change, lol. I found myself in this situation once with my hobby, I tell you it is not worth the effor, and stress. So I did not change to his behaviour, but I adapted myself only, and tell you, things just worked out fine. Another point about the change is that it is worth an effort if working from bad to good behaviour. However we cannot change person to our likings, so no 2 is a good choice, or adapt, listen, just like you said - accept. We are all unique individuals, and we will always be different in our own way.

    Max, great post again - great thougths, and much can be learned from your post. Thanks again, Anna :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Max, btw, I love your blog template now, I might have said this before, but if not here saying again and again, Anna :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hello LS!

    "The frazzled art fits well with the article…." - doesn't it? It is an amazing work of art!

    "9,789,832.5407 times (aprox)" - LOL LOL I hear you! LOL....

    "Some would say that anticipating and inspiring the potential in others and ourselves is an admirable quality." - LOL oh, really? Should it be inferred that you try to change people?

    "Properly applied behaviour modification can often change some behaviours but to change character and principles in a real way is a different story…" - I think that now I am starting to see where this stems from...

    "Looking at things from the other person’s perspective is very helpful. Example is an excellent way to teach but it also has limitations. Often the way we communicate in relationship is equally valuable. Understanding, gender, personality, social integration and cultural aspects can aid in assisting in adapting some behaviours. Positive and negative reinforcement are also applicable. All of these are empowered by relationship." - interesting, my friend...very interesting (Max taking notes)....

    "I am willing to change, indeed I have changed dramatically over the years, however a self help program was not responsible for this. It was the Other transforming me in principles and character the results of which then bleed into the rest of life…" - I believe you. "bleed into the rest of life" loved the dramatic tone in this sentence...

    "I would overarch all of those listed with “pride”…I am speaking here of negative pride…" - pride is also a good one, yes...

    "Pray? Oh I see there is a list… LOL" - LOL LOL LOL...prayer is also a good solution; I agree.

    "Oh I was correct…pray…." - you were correct and you were not entirely...but as I said, I agree.

    "I would say this depend on the situation. If you are married this alternative is greatly hindered. I then suggest prayer…" - interesting, very interesting...now suppose it is not referring to a marriage situation, would the second option be an acceptable solution?

    "If I had it I may be able to tell you… LOL" - LOL LOL LOL I hear you....

    "We have a duty to do our best to take care of ourselves and others. If we do not take care of ourselves then we make it more difficult to help others…I suggest prayer..." - in a twisted way I agree with you lol...

    "I can’t help it your article kept bringing it out in me!!" - it's ok...feel free to express yourself...make yourself at home, mate!

    "Loved it Max, a little different again, and I like the way you seemed to expose us to more of the real you as you used the word “I” more than once….." - thank you, my friend :D! I am glad you loved it! LOL LOL LOL...*nodding*....

    "Overall if we are talking about getting married for example thinking we will change our partner we are in for a rude awakening. Yet God is in the “business” of transforming lives through relationship…" - but was this article about a marriage situation? I am dying to read other comments, cause so far everybody is taking this to a "marriage" scenario...very interesting...
    God (Hashem) is indeed a huge Transformer!

    LS, thank you so much for amazing comment; I learned a lot (as always, Prof.) *bowing*!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hey Alexys!

    Happy Maxday, darling :D!

    "Oh we have all said and heard those "change" statements. That's one human aspect that doesn't change. LOL." - LOL LOL right on! LOL...

    "Ooh, I like this phrase. (Pausing to let it wash over me) Lovely." - *bowing*....

    "I can tell you that from a writer's perspective, this is a grueling process to create a character based on humanistic traits. But to do it in real life (not reel life), is just daunting. We don't have that kind to time or power for such an undertaking." - I can imagine. You are right...

    "The question is "Why do we want to change them - and is it because we are not happy with ourselves that we project on to the other person?" (Okay it is a two part question.)" - wonderful question! Yes, what makes us want to change someone we fell in love with, or sympathised with, or even felt connected with, right before knowing him/her well? If that being was good enough before, he should be good enough now...and if he isn't, then the problem must be within us, the transformer-wanna-be. And as you said, we project our insecurities onto the other....complex...

    "Are you saying that you don't take them at face value, but rather nothing more than a mannequin which you can program to give you the responses and traits that you want? (Devil's advocate.)" - LOL...I love that...I am asking if it wouldn't be better to just let people be the way they are and adjust to them; avoiding thus the aggravation of trying to change others brings...

    "Then we would have to become psychiatrists. No thanks. Hey aren't bloggers psychiatrists in a way (without the pay?) Maybe we should only blog for 50 minutes (the psychiatrist's hour) LOL." - LOL LOL LOL now that you mentioned it...you might be right: bloggers are some sort of therapists...Hmmm...and we work for free too; one can't find cheaper than us lol!

    "It takes an investment into the the Soul of the other person to deduce such findings. If we are investing that much time into another person, then surely that is the time that we should invest in ourself and our life purpose. I totally agree with the spiritual and psychological decay aspect. (That's bloody brilliant!)" - first we invest in ourselves and then we are ready to invest in others. Thanks, darling *bowing*!

    "Definitely/Absolutely!" - we are on the same page!

    "Max, you don't have readers like that. (Do you?)" - LOL LOL LOL...I know people like that...

    "I think people are changing in every moment. We may not be able to see it, but it is happening. The change starts from within and may take several years to take effect." - indeed; then we should just let people sprout...be patient and let them blossom...

    "If I had to put a value on it, I would say it is definitely worth a bag of raw almonds, and a piña colada smoothie (non alcoholic.)" - ROFL...well done!!

    "Self-respect is worth as much as we put into it and it can be measured with humility." - brilliantly put, and I agree.

    "Very provocative piece my darling. Take a bow." - that is quite a compliment, thank you! *bowing, bowing*.....

    My darling, conversing with you is always an enriching experience, and for that I thank you *bowing*!

    Self-respect Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Bob! :D

    "Excellent post max, you speak wisely. I can again only speak to my experiences of being married nearly 30 years." - thank you *bowing*! Please...do share your thoughts; us bachelors still have a lot to learn....

    "I think we would like people to change but mostly we spend our time and efforts on our significant others." - somehow I found this sweet, my friend :).

    "People, unless total idiots and not worth changing in the first place, know their shortcomings, they know where they have to make changes, and through experience they will change hopefully by watching yours and others example, continually pointing out what you consider to be faults will only frustrate them , maybe make them out of spite do a 180, not good." - I hear you! Very interesting, this section...

    "This change may not be noticible to you as it will happen in stages over many years, (unless there is a life changing event, life/death situation, becoming a Christian ect.)" - you are right, but since humans are impatient, some might not notice those changes over the years...

    "Looking over my life I didn't at any one time say, wow, she has changed, but looking over the 30 years have noticed remarkable changes, on both our parts." - amazing!

    "having said that there will be people that are just not meant to be together, and know their faults but one or both of them just don't care enough for their SO to make the effort,at that point like you said, you have 2 options, stay or leave, the time frame for someone coming to this decision varies depending on the personalities and life experiences of the individual people involved, just my opinion." - I hear you, Bob. Are you kidding? This was a superb opinion, and an extremely appreciated one!

    Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts (and experience) with us, my friend; it was a pleasure reading them *bowing*! You are a kind gentleman, my friend :D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hello D! :D

    "LOL I love the term "Creator Complex"! Did you coin that phrase? Very creative. :)" - LOL I must say that I did, darling! Thank you *bowing*! :)

    "I have to admit that I would like to help people to change, but I learned a long time ago that I can not control other people." - how I do comprehend you, my friend!

    "One time I was talking to a friend about how I would like my husband to lose some weight. She said, "Well, you shouldn't buy cheese for him to eat!"." - LOL LOL LOL LOL....that simple, eh?

    "She thought it was as simple as that. I told her, "He will go buy cheese for himself!"." - LOL true...as you said, one just can't control others.

    "As I read this post, I thought about what happens when two strong people butt heads. Both want the other to change, and neither is willing to give in." - not comprimising is a waste of time, of energy and sanity...not to mention fatiguing...

    "Since we cannot force each other to change, we have to decide how we will compromise. I think that should be the view we always take when we feel the urge to change other people. We can't change them, so we should find common ground between us and compromise." - Hear! Hear!

    D, thank you a million times for this smashing comment *bowing*! Your wisdom teaches me a lot :D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hi Mel! :D

    "Have you ever thought of going into therapy.......not as a patient, but as a therapist? You would be amazing. You are able to very quickly post a difficult question and come to a reasonable (or should I say "Brilliant) answer." - LOL no, I have never thought about it; no. Aaah, as a therapist? LOL LOL for a moment I thought you were trying to hint me at my psychological health LOL...wouldn't be the first though lol. As a therapist...no, I can't say that I have thought about it either, no.
    You are so kind, Mel...thank you :D!

    "Again....ON THE MONEY!!!" - LOL LOL I love your expressions! All I can say is: "toda" :D!

    "BTW, I love the phrase "Creator Complex."" - lol as you would say "it's my own design" ;D

    "Understand, accept or don't accept and move on..." - absolutely!

    Mel, I don't know how many times I will say this but: You Rock!! I loved your comment! :D Thanks!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anna!!!

    Hello! Welcome back, darling :D!

    "Max, I love your random thoughts post." - I am glad you loved it :D! Just knowing that, it was worthwhile writing it :D!

    "This topic is really interesting, and much can be said about change. Did you ever hear this one, when couple get married, they say that women wish men changed, and men wish that women did not change, lol." - LOL yes, I have heard of that one lol...

    "I found myself in this situation once with my hobby, I tell you it is not worth the effor, and stress. So I did not change to his behaviour, but I adapted myself only, and tell you, things just worked out fine." - it sounds like the best solution...but you know that some would ask "why doesn't the man adjust? Why is it always the woman to adjust?"...of course people asking this question don't understand that this is not about a contest, this is about wise people compromising. Plus, I am sure men also do adjust...

    "Another point about the change is that it is worth an effort if working from bad to good behaviour. However we cannot change person to our likings, so no 2 is a good choice, or adapt, listen, just like you said - accept. We are all unique individuals, and we will always be different in our own way." - hear! Hear! *clap clap clap*

    "Max, great post again - great thougths, and much can be learned from your post. Thanks again, Anna :)" - my friend, thank you so much *bowing*! And you are welcome, darling! :)

    And I would like to thank you further for this wonderful expression of wisdom! You hold, I believe, the ingredients to a happy relationship :)!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anna,

    Thank you, darling! If you had said it before: it's nice to hear it again lol ;D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  17. A very interesting and thoughtful post Max! My reflection is:
    Change maybe something you should do if there is something wrong. Developing though, is an important part of life: from growing up through being mature.
    Life brings you through challenges and that gives new perspectives in the way of looking at things; when I was young, I was sure - now I'm more reflective and know there are two sides of a coin.
    So to your last question: Its worth a lot: It works, if you work it, so work it, your worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I used to hate these "change campaign" but I'm now more comfortable with the idea of change. Probably more confident too.

    That said, depends who give the "change" advice... I have no respect for people who only know one side of the story.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think the way you sum it up at the end is so poignant. I have a couple of 'friends' who will never change and I've always put myself out to adapt to the way they are. I decided for me I've had enough, why should it be me adapting, making all the effort and hey they're disappearing into the ether.
    Weighing it all up, they've known me long enough to realise the sort of person I am, so if they can't even try to modify the way they communicate and they're attitude towards other people I just don't see the point.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hey Renny!

    "A very interesting and thoughtful post Max!" - Thank you, my friend *bowing*!

    "My reflection is: Change maybe something you should do if there is something wrong. Developing though, is an important part of life: from growing up through being mature." - I agree.

    "Life brings you through challenges and that gives new perspectives in the way of looking at things; when I was young, I was sure - now I'm more reflective and know there are two sides of a coin." - once again, I agree.

    "So to your last question: Its worth a lot: It works, if you work it, so work it, your worth it!" - well said! I like this a lot :D!

    Renny, thank you so much for sharing your reflection with us; I really appreciated it :D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  21. Hey Zhu,

    "I used to hate these "change campaign" but I'm now more comfortable with the idea of change. Probably more confident too." - Aah, the profits of growing older, n'est-ce pas? :)

    "That said, depends who give the "change" advice... I have no respect for people who only know one side of the story." - LOL I hear you. I agree that it is not good to only know one side of the story...it can be deceiving.

    Mon amie, merci for having shared your opinion with us...you know how much I value your thoughts :)!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh my Lord...look who is here!!

    Hi Girl!! :D

    Almost a year now, eh? So good to see you here...let's hear your thoughts....

    "I think the way you sum it up at the end is so poignant. I have a couple of 'friends' who will never change and I've always put myself out to adapt to the way they are. I decided for me I've had enough, why should it be me adapting, making all the effort and hey they're disappearing into the ether. " - touché! This is a very good perspective (so far you are the third person not taking this article to a marriage scenario)...friendship is another difficult type of relationship. I can surely understand your disappointment, darling; and I am glad you were able to make a decision to change the whole thing...

    "Weighing it all up, they've known me long enough to realise the sort of person I am, so if they can't even try to modify the way they communicate and they're attitude towards other people I just don't see the point." - I hear you.

    Thank you so much for this incredible comment and...welcome back :D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi! I learnt sometime ago, through trial and error, that others should accept you for what you are. I'm now reminded of the saying, "If you don't know me, don't judge me." If change is required because of some poor defect, well change is a good thing. But to change to just fit in, is childish and destroys individuality.

    Take Care,
    Peter

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh Max...another one of your lovely thoughtful post....wonderful reading...I also believe that while we want others to change sometimes we overlook our own selves & whether we are changing or not...its very easy to point fingers at others but we generally forget that in our case...we also must try to comprehend the entire circumstances if we find anyone behaving stubbornly or not wanting to change...sometimes events/circumstances does play a part when others who want to change the way we like to couldn't because of other reasons which we might not realise a that moment...at the end of the day we must remember change is painful but inevitable, so we shouldn't lose heart and wait for the opportune moment...wonderfully written post!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear Peter!

    Beautifully said! And needless to say that I agree with you, mate!

    Thank you so much, for your most valued input :D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hey Kalyan!

    Indeed, many times people are focused on changing others that they forget to ask themselves if they are changing or not - change goes both ways; but never on imposition! Like a dear person, to me said, self-transformation is the key!

    Thank you, I am glad you liked it :D!
    And thanks for your delightful input :D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  27. MAX:

    You are so right on this one. The thing is, people don't really change. They age, and sometimes change their opinions, but the underlying person is the same.

    I hear married couples complain about their partner all the time. Why won't he change? Or why can't she be different? It's awfully shallow to think that you can change a person.

    If you are contemplating marriage, the best thing to do is to wait until you meet someone who thinks and acts the way you want them to think and act. That way, you don't have to agonize over how you are going to change them.

    Women complain that their husbands sit on the couch all day. They don't have any ambition. They don't treat them right - too rough or insensitive and indifferent. Men say their wives don't take care of themselves. They're not sexy any more, and they're not supportive of their husband's needs.

    These problems, although real, wouldn't be there if the couples would have married for compatibility instead of impulse. I believe that most people are afraid to ask the really tough questions of their future spouses because they are afraid of losing them. What they don't understand is that they'll lose them anyway if they don't have enough in common - and I'm not just talking about the way they act, but also the way they think.

    But - What do I know?

    Love your post MAX.

    Happy trails.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hello Swu!

    "You are so right on this one. The thing is, people don't really change. They age, and sometimes change their opinions, but the underlying person is the same." - that is what I have been noticing about people...

    "It's awfully shallow to think that you can change a person." - I couldn't have said it better myself, my friend! Hear, Hear!

    "If you are contemplating marriage, the best thing to do is to wait until you meet someone who thinks and acts the way you want them to think and act. That way, you don't have to agonize over how you are going to change them." - LOL LOL LOL LOL this is a good solution LOL....*nodding*! Besides if people choose to follow your suggestion they may end up marrying the right one for them, cause waiting until meeting someone who fits their liking develops patience and refined taste (that way they won't marry the first person they meet)...

    "These problems, although real, wouldn't be there if the couples would have married for compatibility instead of impulse." - absolutely!!

    "I believe that most people are afraid to ask the really tough questions of their future spouses because they are afraid of losing them. What they don't understand is that they'll lose them anyway if they don't have enough in common - and I'm not just talking about the way they act, but also the way they think." - brilliant! Yes, yes, yes...

    "But - What do I know?" - you know enough to teach me new things, my friend *bowing*!

    "Love your post MAX." - Thank you so much, Swu! I feel honoured *bowing*!

    And I would like to thank you for your input! I am still amazed by it (I read it 3 times); and I am really grateful for these precious and wise words, my friend :D!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  29. lol... these posts are the scariest... the flow of sudden energy and randomness makes it almost impossible for a reader to really understand every facet of your thoughts...

    Maybe these are some good thoughts:

    1) avoid the avoidable

    2) change the unacceptable

    3) accept the unchangable

    only you know what the situation is and only you can make the right decision.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hey Shan,

    LOL...you know that when I ascribed this title to this post I remembered that you are the king of random thoughts lol...

    Those are excellent thoughts, thanks for your input, Shan :D!

    That is correct "only you know what the situation is and only you can make the right decision"...

    Thanks, Shan for sharing your thoughts; I am much obliged!

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Dissecting Society welcomes all sorts of comments, as we are strong advocates of freedom of speech; however, we reserve the right to delete Troll Activity; libellous and offensive comments (e.g. racist and anti-Semitic) plus those with excessive foul language. This blog does not view vulgarity as being protected by the right to free speech. Cheers