The 3 Maries

Last night I watched Da Vinci code. The movie’s theory is that Mary Magdalena was a woman of royal blood, who got pregnant (by Jesus) and her child (Sarah) was the reason why the church persecuted so many women: to maintain Jesus’ sanctity intact. The location of Magdalena’s tomb has been a well kept secret to prevent people from doing DNA tests, thus compromising and endangering the actual Jesus and Magdalene’s descendant.
Of course, this triggered a series of arguments amongst the women in my family; therefore we managed to assemble 3 hypothetical situations that could rebut the movie’s theory:

Magdalene – It is said that she was a sex trader. Jesus not only forgave her sins but also excised 7 demons from her body. She washed Jesus’ feet, kissed them and dried them with her own hair (this was viewed by a man as a seduction scene, and the root of the many speculations going around). Magdalene joined the group (ceasing therefore her wench ways).
Now, how can we know that the child she bore was Jesus’? In order to silent the man who opposed her washing Christ’s feet, she could’ve seduced him; and unintentionally gotten pregnant.

Madeleine – it is said that she knew how to read and write. If so, she couldn’t have been a simple wench, cause at that time women didn’t have access to education (unless they were either born into a royal/rich family or they were courtesans – yes, some rich men when purchasing the services of a sex entertainer, often, like to discuss intellectual matters with them, first). For now, let’s consider that Madeleine was a courtesan. She came across Jesus’ way; he liked her for she had knowledge and quickly understood his message. He was the only man who acknowledged her intellect, and valued her opinion; not as foreplay, but out of respect for an intellectual fellow: she washed his feet, massaged them; and as she did it, her hair brushed against Christ’s feet…she perfumed and kissed them, as a token of appreciation. Certainly, a man with a dirty mind perceived this as sexual and tried to cast her out of the group. To buy his alliance, she seduced him, resulting in a pregnancy.

Magdala – she was of royal blood (although not from the house of David). She was highly intelligent and cultivated. She spoke her mind; she expressed the wish of addressing the wise men in the synagogue; she defended women’s rights…in summa: she was a public enemy (kindly labelled as “The sinner”).
She met Jesus, who immediately sympathised with her, and invited her to keep society with him for he enjoyed her viewpoints: he saw her as an equal. This triggered a tacit jealousy among the disciples, who started plotting against her. During a meal, Jesus observed his followers and saw their plot; then leaning over to Magdala he whispered:
- “Come and wash my feet! We must confer!”
They rose and moved into a corner so that Magdala could wash his feet…everybody watched them…
- Magda, men are conspiring against you. [She’s about to retort] speak not! Listen only! It’s time for you to be wise: you are intelligent; pretend you’re light on knowledge! You’re strong; pretend you’re prone to tears! You’re cold; act as you are sensitive to wrong! You wear flashy garments; try to follow the rule of modesty! You expressed the wish to wear Tefillin; admit you were wrong to wish for this! You speak your mind; act as if you had no opinion! You’re dating 3 Princes of the same house…3 princes, Magdala…select one that doesn’t kiss and tell [by now her hair is brushing against his feet, as she perfumes and kisses them]! At the end of this we’ll rise; Judas will make a malicious comment, you will silence and rumour will be that I’ve excised 7 demons from you [Magdala wants to reply, but he interrupts her]…you see, you’re like me: we’re both ahead of our times! Yet your destiny differs from mine…

Based on the 3 Maries, Magdalena could’ve gotten pregnant by any other man, or she couldn’t have gotten pregnant at all. But if so, nothing guarantees us that the father was Jesus. The movie suggested DNA tests: what an absurd. Even if they could do them it would only prove that the child was Magdalena’s, and never Jesus’ (1st because he was conceived by parthenogenesis – i.e. Holy Spirit – and 2nd because there are no remains to compare DNA with). And even if they would test the tribe of Judah, in Israel, it would only suggest that she could, or not, have gotten pregnant by any other Israeli.