Love and Respect



At the request of our fellow-blogger Livingsword, today I’m addressing the concept of “women desiring love as the driving core force from their man and men desiring respect from their woman as the center of their needs”. And even though my experience is ill; here’s the result of what I’ve observed:

Let’s take a glimpse at Nature first, focusing on the lion and the lioness: the lion provides security for the clan and ensures the continuance of the species; the lioness hunts (providing, thus, nurture) and watches over her breed.
If we were to apply this to the human world, we’d have the following image: the man providing the same security to the clan (in this case, through his job); and the woman would keep “hunting”, while ensuring the stability of the home. It sounds simple, doesn’t it?

A few years ago, I defended that love only should not be women’s driving force, since nowadays they’re totally independent, focused on their careers, and they may have kids whenever they want (by any means necessary). However, this was nothing but teenager utopia and illusion.
Years went by and I’ve realised that no matter what women do, say or think, deep down, they all want a man to love and be loved by.

Love is everything to women; i.e. love is the foundation of their life.
There may not be a lot of financial resources, but if a woman feels really loved she’ll walk that extra mile to transform her home into Eden.
Women look for emotional intelligence in a man: a partner that within his imperfections is perfect; a man that being an adult has not lost the child within; a soldier that coming back from his campaign, as tired as he might be, never ceases to be generous; a male that accepts to share with his woman the government of their family and, although disagreeing with the way she manages the economy of the home, he does her justice for he understands that it’s not always easy to be a manager, a wife, a mother, a lover, a friend, a nurse, a cook, a cleaning-lady, a teacher, and a hairdresser.

Men are looking for a woman who’ll love and respect them.
A man is very pragmatic when it comes to love, cause he feels loved if he can visualise, or have, a life (next to the one he loves) where: the house is always clean and neat, laundry done, children under control (if any) and sex on a regular basis.
Definition of Respect (accordingly to Collins Cobuild English Language Dictionary): esteem, value, honour, fulfill, reverence, regard.
To the low-medium man respect (paid by the one he loves) means: obedience, submission, humiliation, and all the other possible inferiorities.
To the educated, cultivated and well brought up man respect is something that must be earned (it cannot be demanded); therefore, the kind of respect he expects from his woman is the appreciation of his Ego.
The latter, is the type of man for whom his woman will do anything so that he can be successful: she’ll work for him in the backstage, for his success is the family’s success; and she commits herself to be there through thick and thin. This is love!

Well, Livingsword, I hope this simple thought has met your expectations.

Cheers!

Comments

  1. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the paragraph which started this way:

    "Women look for emotional intelligence in a man: ....."

    WOW!!! I'm nodding and nodding and nodding still in agreement with each sentence in that paragraph. I'm afraid I don't know much about man, but I think I know enough about my man, though I'd love to know more about men so that I can be a better woman.

    Now I'm rambling again hi hi hi...ciao!!!

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  2. Max;
    Very interesting insights, I think you make a lot of very good and accurate points, thank you so much for being so responsive! Conversations about gender and relationships can be rewarding but also at times quite confusing.

    I am an animal lover so I very much enjoyed the comparison to lions. Male lions have it made in the shade! They lie around and let the females do almost everything. The male is called in to handle the very heavy duty killing (on the rare occasions when the females can’t handle it). They do more fighting with other males than killing of game.

    To continue the animal analogy I think perhaps African wild dogs are a great representation of women. African wild dogs are very social, caring and nurturing, females work along side the males, there is an alpha male and alpha female but there is an amazing amount of equality within the group.

    Please note that I am writing in generalities as are you, both genders indeed require everything the other does but at different quantities and qualities.

    It seems to me that human females want to love and be loved at the very core of their being, it is their greatest “felt need”, even if it hides behind “smoke screens”. Women attempt to grow the relationship bond thru love, lovingly touching the man’s life.

    On the other hand men have at their core a need to “feel” respected. They fulfill that mandate by how they can garner that respect from women.

    When most men hear that woman want security they immediately think financial security, whereas women want emotional and relational security, love.

    So the man attempts to please the needs of the woman thru his occupation, making money for security. When he does this he thinks he has hit the target on the woman’s primary need or concern.

    When women do not get their felt need for love met some withhold sex as punishment or as a power play, men ingest this as a sign of disrespect, women are doing it because they feel let down in the realm of love with true intimacy.

    There may be differences in the way this is accentuated in various cultures but these things are still at the core of “gender relations”. Often we are both aiming at the wrong target, attempting to give the other what we want/need instead of what they want/need. We need to be willing to communicate while being careful to not pack different meaning into the words we use. Yet communication is nothing without compromise. You can talk all you want but if both sides are not willing to love the other more than themselves it is a stalemate.

    Often we keep score on things in our relationships; I believe that when you keep score you both lose! You both win when the other comes first, but you have to genuinely understand the true priorities of the other. That’s the simple version.

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  3. Ciao Max,

    once in a marriage, an old woman as been asked by the priest, to define what a marriage (in this case i'll take it as relationship) was. She promptly answered that was an hudge thing done with small things/ details;
    My opinion is that our cappacity to trust, share, accept and give more than receive would reasonably define most of the "good relationships"

    but also this defenetly doesn't have a math formula... person1(x) + person2(y) = relation(x,y)

    :)
    bye

    gallardo

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm new to this blogging atmosophere and would like to see if I can pick up an audience. I have blogs for politics and gaming

    conservativechatter.blogspot.com

    gamingmatters.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey, Max, my Girl,

    I've just tagged you with Blogging Tips Meme.

    Check out this link:

    http://ailema4ever.blogspot.com/2007/07/blogging-tips-meme.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hello there!

    What you have basically described, is the concept of "Natural Order." Men lead and protect - while women hunt, gather and nurture.

    I can't help thinking that you must be a woman to have such insight. If more men would/could understand the emotional desert that is often the male gender, and the driving need for women to be loved - they would genuinely understand the dilemma that often crops up between couples.

    Nice post!

    I hope you'll visit me sometime too and leave one or two comments!
    ~ Swan

    Swan Reviews (Almost!) Everything.

    URL: http://swan-reviews-almost-everything.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Max;
    I wanted you to know that I have added links for your blog from both of my blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  8. wow, that was a most worthy read! Your analysis is quite spot on! I am impressed with your detailed understanding... It's true for women isn't it. I remember I read soemwhere once: "Above power, above money, women value love above all".

    As for man, once there is a woman who can understand his ego, then most problems can be resolved!

    Very nice read!

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  9. I loved this sentence: "a partner that within his imperfections is perfect",it's possile to feel like this only when you really love someone.

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  10. Very insightful post, Max. It also made me think that a woman's drive for love can be fulfilled through things other than a man/husband, though, especially when romantic love is no longer a priority (horrors!) for her. I guess it depends on how you define "love" in different stages of your life. Often, moments with your child or times of career triumph are enough to fill one's heart. Just my 2 cents.

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  11. Max,

    The following is how I responded to the comment you let on my site:
    Hi Max,

    After getting to know you, at least in print, you should be the poster child for the "after" picture of what my site is all about.

    You go girl...there is nothing that will stop you!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. hi,
    thanks for your comment on my blog (Graduate's panic). i'm enjoying your blog as well. i love such readings.

    cooool.

    ReplyDelete

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